


Not Over

by jae_no



Series: Struggle [1]
Category: Block B, K-pop
Genre: Gen, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Introspection, Light Angst, Mild Language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-30
Updated: 2015-12-30
Packaged: 2018-05-10 09:42:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5580757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jae_no/pseuds/jae_no
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Promotions for their new album started a short while ago, and it's another late night after a particularly stressful practice. The members try to enjoy their time together, outwardly cheerful as usual but inwardly reflective. There's a weight hanging over all their heads that they decide they finally need to deal with.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Over

**Author's Note:**

> This was the first kpop fanfic I ever wrote. I think I published it over two years ago, back when (or just after) Block B had all the legal issues with their old company. As a new-ish BBC, it was a hard time so a lot of what I wrote at the time was reflective and angsty. Hope you enjoy!!

Zico blinked and moved his eyes’ steady gaze from the ceiling to the opened, lighted doorway that lead from the bedroom to the rest of the dorm. He listened to the faint talking and groaned, turning onto his side to face the wall. It was probably a few hours ago that the others had forced him to go off and rest. With their recent promotions and… other stresses, it wasn’t like any of them had been sleeping all that well, but Zico had seemingly been taking it the hardest since he had been doing the bulk of the work on the album. Even though they had only just come back, his mind refused to rest about their next possible concept, what the songs would be, or the shows they could do, and countless other things that would help them get back on their feet after their unfortunate break in activity and general bad string of luck.  
  
Some of the guys said that he should take a breather now that their promotions were slowing down. As hard as he had been trying to hide his physical and mental exhaustion, they’d somehow noticed the toll all their recent work had taken on him. They said he should try to go just a single day without skipping meals to head to the recording studio or locking himself in the bathroom to write lyrics when they started to mix around in his head in a way that left him feeling fogged until he had them concrete.  
  
He didn’t like them being worried over him. As their leader he needed to not show any weaknesses, keep them together through the thick and even thicker. It was hard though, especially during promotional periods, when they were all so acutely aware of his medical issues.  
  
Plus, he loved the work he did, so it wasn’t like it would be easy to just take a break from the very thing that made him feel so alive, even when some days it quite literally took the breath out of him. Like earlier today. Or was that yesterday now? It was probably well past two in the morning by now, considering how the others’ talking was steadily getting louder.  
  
But it was his little (or not so little, as one of them would always correct him) breathing issue that got a little out of hand and had him pulled out of practice so he could get his bearings. He ended up having to sit out and watch over the rest of practice, which ended up not being as productive as he would have liked since everyone was distracted with worry over him. Great. Things like that were exactly why he couldn’t let his weaknesses get the better of him. Where would they be without their leader?  
  
Zico turned onto his back again, rubbing his eyes before fixing his stare at the ceiling again. He listened to the rumblings of conversation and light laughter from the other room. It was nice to listen to, but helping him get the rest they claimed he needed. He closed his eyes with a sigh, starting to think of fun, relaxing things they could try to do together in the future to ease all of their stresses.  
  
———  
  
As tired as they all knew they were, these late nights were the only chances of true free time since promotions had started again. Sure they’d regret it in the morning, sure they might be more than a few hours late to appointments, but the late-night delirium they felt, when they were all together as one, with inhibitions and worries slightly lifted from a casual drink or two, was always too good a feeling to pass up. B-bomb had to admit that winning the new TV from World Camp was feeling pretty fantastic too. That night though, they hadn’t even bothered to turn it on, too caught up in the enjoyment of each other’s company after a long day of practice. While there had been some pretty bad arguments recently (mostly due to hunger or exhaustion-related crabbiness), and it got to be nearly unbearable for him at times, they always came back from it.  
  
B-bomb stretched his legs out on the couch over Kyung’s lap as he took another sip from his drink. His mind lulled into those trailing thoughts as the others were absorbed in talking about girlfriends or making fun of Jaehyo. To be honest, sometimes those conversations ended up sounding the same if he didn’t pay close enough attention.  
  
He smiled into his cup as everyone erupted into laughter. They were family now. There was no breaking the bonds they had formed. At least, he really hoped so. There was always a sneaking anxiety in the back of his mind that the next thing that happened to them (because there were no longer any _ifs_ ) would be a hell of a lot harder to come back from as a whole. It was a scary thought to have when they talked so often about how close they were, when he considered them to be the brothers he never had when he was growing up.  
  
He glanced towards the other end of the room, at the doorway that led to the bedroom where they all knew Zico wasn't sleeping. B-bomb had noticed how often the others also glanced over that way, all of them feeling a mutual air of concern for their leader. It made him feel bad sometimes, how much harder than the rest of them he worked, but he was comforted a little in the fact that they had been able to contribute a lot more to this most recent album. It never felt like enough though, especially when it seemed like all the hard work they had done in the past was obliterated by a stupid mistake.  
  
Leaning over to set his now empty cup down on the ground next to the foot of the couch, B-bomb moved his gaze from the door and back to the others, trying to drift back into the conversation.  
  
“Hey, hey, hey—where did Yukwon go anyway? I could’ve sworn he was here just a minute ago…”  
  
“He’s been gone for like forty minutes now. Wow, you really don’t pay attention—can’t even see with those glasses on your face, can you Taeil?”  
  
“Oh, I’d watch how you speak to me if I were you, Kyung!”  
  
“Why? What’re you going to do—?”  
  
“He’ll smother you with Jaehyo’s smelly panties again!”  
  
“Eh!? What!? My laundry’s always clean! Those weren’t mine!”  
  
“You can’t even tell your panties, Hyung, that’s a problem.”  
  
“Yeah, especially since they’re the only girl panties in the dorm!”  
  
“Okay, whoah, no, I can explain that—!”  
  
They were all laughing so hard now that Jaehyo couldn’t even try to finish what he was saying. Kyung wiped the tears from his eyes, his face bright red as he tried to catch his breath to speak.  
  
“I have a confession to make! As you all know how popular I am with BBCs, it only makes sense that the panties belonged to me” The others groaned in response, Jaehyo telling him ‘Oh, shut it,’ before he continued on. “What can I say!? It was a personal gift from a veeery favorite fan! No way in hell I was going to tell you all about it!”  
  
“What a liar!”  
  
“You secretly dating her now or something??”  
  
“Then why did they smell!?”  
  
Taeil just smiled. It was always so easy to get lost in their crazy conversations, accusing and yelling at each other over wild things that never happened just to get a laugh. It was always more fun like that. Why be boring and be concerned over having a perfect image? People weren’t perfect anyway. It was stupid to try to come across that way, because it was a simple truth everyone knew. If you appeared perfect it only made people wonder what secrets you were hiding.  
  
One of the things that irked him about some of the other idol groups was that hyper-vain, perfect image they tried to put out. It certainly made any mistakes all the more glaringly obvious. He couldn’t imagine that it was a comfortable, fun way to live either. And what was the point in anything if it wasn’t fun? That’s why, even with all the trouble they’d gotten into, at least it was Block B being themselves. As much as they all wanted the recognition and fame that came with being up-and-coming idols, they had all agreed early on that they wouldn’t do it through being fake. He supposed it’s what helped them through hard times that other groups may have not made it through. It’s what kept them seven-as-one. For the most part, they didn’t lose themselves behind all the makeup and hair and stage outfits. Even Kyung, who to him seemed to really play it out in front of the camera, was still just as he always had been, if not just a bit more inwardly confident.  
  
While Jaehyo got up to get the others another round of drinks, P.O jumped up from the floor and made his way to the small bathroom. Way too small when considering the fact that seven nearly grown men lived together. As he poured the drinks, Jaehyo mused to himself that it wasn’t all that bad except for the mornings they were running late. Which, to be honest, was most mornings. It probably would be nice to be able to be able to keep all his toiletries in the bathroom too, but they each had their little drawers or bags of their own things so it wasn’t that big of an inconvenience. Ah, how nice a large bathroom would be, he thought. Nice and fancy with a sink and cupboard for each of them, maybe a spa-tub to soak in after hard practices too.  
  
Luxuries not nearly as big would be a long time coming though, if at all. He let out a small sigh as he glanced though the dark window set over the sink in the kitchen area. He just hoped everything got settled in the long run. It was too stressful to worry about work, health, and money all at once and at this young an age. He gathered the drinks in his hands and brought them back over, passing them out as he whined and threatened to spill all over the others. He took his seat back on the bean-bag chair placed in front of the couch as P.O scampered back over too, plopping down at the foot of the chair at Taeil’s feet. Automatically, Taeil starting sticking his bare feet near P.O’s face and on his head, laughing with the others as P.O shouted and swatted them away several times.  
  
P.O crinkled his face in laughter as he wrapped his hands around Taeil’s ankle that was resting on his shoulder and tugged as hard as he could. Taeil was pulled right of the chair, hitting his ass on the hardwood floor with a loud thump and yelp, his leg still hooked over P.O’s shoulder, pulling the younger back slightly. Laughter started up again as he kicked at P.O’s back and turned onto his side in the space between P.O and the chair, cradling his tailbone.  
  
P.O lept up once again, laughing so hard he nearly lost his balance as he pulled his slightly drooping pants up. He leaned over and offered his hand to Taeil to help him up. “Sorry, Hyung, I just couldn’t help myself!” he blurt out between breaths of laughter.  
  
Taeil groaned, taking his hand and letting himself be pulled up. “Uagh, yeah, yeah you always say that!” He joked back. “That really did hurt though!”  
  
“Ahh, I said I’m sorry, Hyung!” P.O repeated enthusiastically as he pat Taeil’s butt. “See, you’re fine!”  
  
“Hey! Knock that off!” the older snapped, the others still laughing and joking about P.O hurting the baby. “Agh, you kids, I swear, one of these days…”  
  
“Keep talking like that, and we’re going to end up calling you the old man, instead!”  
  
“I’d prefer it!” Taeil huffed as he took his seat in the chair again.  
  
P.O’s face was still scrunched in laughter. He loved all of these guys so much. Even with the trouble and mischief he caused by being the energetic youngest, they accepted him wholly and loved him back just as much. In all honestly, there would be no other group of people he’d want to spend the rest of his days with and he quite literally would go through anything for him. His grin was wide, glad of the hard work and commitment he’d put into getting into the group.  
  
Sure there were times of insecurity where he felt like maybe there would have been others more talented and more deserving of it, but he couldn’t let that get to him. He’d made it this far, and they’d all put so much into this that none of them were going to relent until they got what they dreamed of.  
  
Even the scary times right after their stupid mistake seemed like nothing to him now. They helped him through it, and it proved to him just how strong they were as one. He had made a promise to himself after coming out of the hospital to be stronger for them, to be a bit more mature so that he could handle things better. He wanted to feel at an equal level to them, have a talent of his own, and not just be seen as the rascal youngest that they needed to look after.  
  
He felt like he was on his way to upholding that promise too as they worked on this album. He had been able to help Zico write a song, he could rap up there on stage with him and Kyung and feel like they were equals; there was even a mention here and there with Zico about his own mixtape when promotions were over. It was all so exciting. So exciting to imagine what could come after, what their futures held after all their troubles had finally been overcome. There had to be an end to it after all, right?  
  
He still didn’t know how to show them his full appreciation. They didn’t like to get gifts; in fact, P.O found out a while ago that some of the guys still felt a little indebted to him for what he’d helped the group with. He told them it was nothing. It really was. Money was nothing compared to moments like these, laughing until tears poured from their eyes, the countless memories he hoped he never forgot. And there was no loneliness anymore. Not even when things seemed bad and he felt like he was in the middle of a crossfire.  
  
Sometimes it made him wonder what having siblings would be like, but he would shake those thoughts away because he had a feeling it would make the connection he shared with the others less special. The only downside he could think of about being so close to them was the worry that came with it. Everyone always worried over each other, even when they were fighting. Sometimes the stifling worry is what caused the fights; yelling how they were grown adults and could deal with things themselves. It was hard to hear things like that even though he knew they didn’t mean it. It was hard because when even one of them was missing when they were doing things it felt like he was missing a part of himself. Like his entire arm or something. He chuckled to himself wondering if the others felt the same way or if he was just being a silly kid like usual.  
  
———  
  
A few more loud minutes of joking and teasing passed before a shout to be quiet from the other room sobered them up immediately. Earlier they had been trying to stay quiet for Zico’s sake, so he could rest. Even with their energy being slightly skewed by the lack of Zico and U-kwon, they had fallen back to their loud, late-night behavior.  
  
There were a few tense moments of silence after a loud sigh from Zico that passed before the front door of the dorm swung wide open. Freezing night air and a familiar, pungent smell rushed into the room and everyone shouted for U-kwon to quickly close the door.  
  
The tense moment before had been lifted, and right away they started pestering him about being out for so long.  
  
“Yukwon! For all we knew, you could’ve been kidnapped and there would be nothing that we could do!”  
  
“Ah, calm down, I was on my phone.” He said in a lofty voice as he shrugged off his jacket and toed off his shoes, tossing them towards the corner of the room as he usually did.  
  
He passed by them on the way to the kitchen, eyeing the now half empty cups around them. “Ah, started the drinking without me, did you?” he commented as he opened their fridge.  
  
“I said to wait for you, but you know how they never listen.”  
  
“You were taking forever, no way I’m going to just wait some unknown amount of time just to make you feel better!”  
  
“Ahw, glad to know you care, Kyunggie.” He shot with a grin, peeking out from the fridge door.  
  
“You know it~!”  
  
“Were you talking with Sunhye?”  
  
“Mm.” Was U-kwon’s only reply as he looked for something, anything, to eat. “Urg, this is just a bunch of crap,” he muttered to himself.  
  
Taeil sighed from his seat, making a face at the smell U-kwon had brought in with him. “You know, there’s a reason why you and Minhyuk don’t get as many singing parts.”  
  
B-bomb rolled his eyes as U-kwon looked over the top of the door to the fridge, narrowing his eyes at Taeil. “Just because we don’t obsess over our throats like you do—all your new-agey, gross healthy drinks—they don’t do anything to make your voice better you know.”  
  
“Hey, I’m just saying—”  
  
“Hyungs, hyungs, let’s just relaaax here.” P.O interjected in an overly dramatic voice as he crossed his legs and shut his eyes, positioning his hands to mock being in meditation.  
  
U-kwon flashed his signature bright smile their way before ducking back down into the fridge, pulling out eggs and cheese, and whatever left over meats they still had. Might as well use it before it went bad. He set the items down on a small cleared space on the counter. Always so messy, cluttered with garbage and dishes that they couldn’t ever be bothered to clean. “Who wants omelets!?” he asked, spinning around on his heal to face them, a fork in hand.  
  
Kyung sent a cheer from his spot on the couch. Always a big fan of U-kwon’s cooking, he was. The others agreed a late-night snack sounded nice. U-kwon nodded, turning back to the meager stove, pulling out a most likely dirty pan. He rinsed it, beginning preparation for what he claimed were going to be his ‘best eggs yet!’  
  
———  
  
Taeil yawned, the entirety of his exhaustion finally hitting him. “You know, I think I’m going to pass on eggs. I feel like I’m going to fall asleep in the chair if I sit here any longer.”  
  
“Ahh, old man Taeil needs his sleep, doesn’t he?”  
  
Taeil smiled and hunched over in the chair slightly, pretending to wave a cane in Kyung’s direction. “You know it, you little brats!”  
  
Kyung grinned before leaping up from his spot on the couch, pushing B-bomb’s legs off his lap, nearly knocking over several of their cups. As B-bomb shouted at him to be more careful, Kyung swiped at the invisible cane and puffed out his chest. “You wanna go old man? I could take you!”  
  
“Take me where??” Taeil replied, making himself to sound like an old man as he cupped his hand around his ear.  
  
Everyone was laughing loud and with ease again. Jaehyo had rolled back on the bean bag from laughing so hard, and was now cradling his head from slamming it on the floor. Kyung turned, pretending to kick Jaehyo once before falling back down to his spot on the couch.  
  
“Forget it, old man. You’ve lost your hearing!”  
  
Taeil bid them goodnight as he stood up. P.O and Jaehyo, who were both seated on the floor, started to scramble up to they could be the first ones to take the seat. Taeil planted himself back down. “Such kids, you guys are.”  
  
“Agh, come on Hyung! He’s had the bean bag chair! I’ve been on the hard floor the whole time!”  
  
Taeil seemed to pause with consideration, before dramatically sighing. “Ah, fine, fine.” He began to lift himself slowly before suddenly standing and hurrying off the bedroom, snickering to himself. The others sent confused looks in Taeil’s directions, but as P.O plopped down in the seat, he shouted, face scrunched and hand over his nose. “The old man farted!!”  
  
“You can keep the chair in that case!”  
  
A commotion was raised as the others began to smell it too, even U-kwon from the kitchen area.  
  
———  
  
“Hmm, Jiho? You’re not even trying to rest?” Taeil asked as he walked into the darker room, able to make out Zico’s thin figure sitting up against the wall.  
  
“I couldn’t sleep even if I wanted to, to be honest.” He chuckled, trying to cover up the frustration in his voice.  
  
“Well, then go back out there. Yukwon is cooking some food, you should eat. And I know it would ease the others to see you up before they head for sleep themselves, even though they sent you to go rest in the first place.”  
  
“Yeah. I didn’t get the chance to eat dinner with you guys anyway, so I should.” Zico stretched his arms above his head before shifting the blanket off him. He pat Taeil on the back, who was gathering his clothes to change into, and smiled, “Thanks.” Taeil simply nodded back.  
  
Zico made a tentative first few steps out of the darkened bedroom, dragging a hand through his short, mussed hair. The others were too absorbed in whatever it was they were yelling about now to notice Zico as he walked with squinted eyes towards the kitchen area. He stopped right next to U-kwon as he was in the middle of doing his famous ‘cooking dance’, waiting for the omelet to finish.  
  
“Eggs?”  
  
Not having noticed Zico’s approach, U-kwon startled and swung around, nearly hitting Zico in the face with the hot spatula. “Oh, fuck, Jiho!”  
  
“Did you see the look on Kwonnie’s little face!” Kyung called out, folding his arms to his armpits and making a clucking sound at him. U-kwon grabbed an uncracked egg from the carton and poised to throw it at him. “I swear, one of these days—!” He cut himself off as he mimed throwing it, to which Kyung flinched, causing everyone to fall into another fit of laughter. Even Zico, who was leaning against the counter, a slight wheeze to his laugh.  
  
Kyung strode into the kitchen area, looking over U-kwon’s progress and patting Zico on the back. “You look like you feel better.” The conversations in the background seemed to sober as they listened for Zico’s reply, but the air lacked a certain tenseness from earlier.  
  
“Only because I’m out here with all of you again.”  
  
“Agh, don’t be so dramatic, you were only in the other room! I’m sure you could hear everything we were saying.” In all honestly though, Kyung felt like he worried the most over his long-time friend. Zico had told him off before, to stop acting like a worried mother sending her son off to the army. Zico tried to assure him he’d be just fine, but words like that only made Kyung worry more.  
  
“You’d be surprised how little, considering how thin we used to think the walls were.” They both laughed and started to walk back towards the couch. B-bomb lowered his feet to leave room for Zico to sit down.  
  
———  
  
Conversation eased back, and a short while later U-kwon brought them their paper plates. They all said their thanks, digging in and enjoying the food in an easy silence.  
  
Kyung thought to himself how there weren’t often moments of silence in the dorm. Sometimes it made him worry that that meant they weren’t comfortable enough with each other to maintain silence. But he knew that couldn’t be the case. There were just so many of them, with so much to tell each other, it seemed pointless to waste any time with silence. There was so much they wanted to do, it didn’t make sense to waste time with anything.  
  
That reminded him about a certain issue they’d had serious discussions about in the past however many months it had been. They needed to stop wasting time with this weight that had all been resting on them for ages now, holding them back.  
  
When they were all nearly finished eating, Kyung looked up from his plate and met his glance with Zico’s before looking at the others. He took in a breath, savoring the short moment of calm silence before deciding to finally break it.  
  
“So, do you guys think it’s finally time?”  
  
The collective drop in mood was visible. It sent an almost physcial pain through Kyung’s chest. There were quiet, brief nods of agreement as plates were scraped clean of the last few pieces of egg. Kyung looked at Zico awaiting a response.  
  
“I’ll call our lawyer when we get up tomorrow then.”


End file.
